Was there a moment when you thought, “This is what I lived for”?

Yes. Hawaii. It was evening. I could smell the ocean. There was a warm breeze, warm sun, champagne, and the family I loved beside me. And I remember thinking, “Oh. Maybe this is what I lived for.” It wasn't because it was luxurious. It was just unbelievably peaceful. I smoked a cigarette on the hotel balcony looking at the ocean, and to me it was the best cigarette in the world. I don't need to beat that memory. I just want to find my way back to something like it again.